Top Plug of the Week

If you’ve never listened to any music by our esteemed producer Alex Smith, aka Howell Dawdy, now’s the time to jump in! He just released a great new album, I Need Some Help (I used an instrumental version of the title track for the trailer for Flop TV S2), and he’s launched a merch store. And if you want to check out his back catalogue, his music videos are a hoot.

The Flop House Recycles!

I’ll be honest: I’m working on a time sensitive project this week and thus have less newsletter time than normal, so in lieu of more specifically Flop House-related content, I’d like to invite you to enjoy this old humor piece I wrote that never really fit anywhere, not even my own newsletter. Maybe it fits here? It’s titled…

Some Semi-Accurate Facts About Superman (by Dan)

Superman (or Kal-El, or Ms. El, if you’re nasty) debuted in Action Comics No. 1, setting the template for the modern superhero. Before Superman, comics were titles like "The American Navy Vs. The Island of Inscrutable Ethnic Hypnotists," "Lance Toughman, Discoverer of Individuals Who Have Gone Elsewhere," and "Rex Manguy: Nazi Smasher." That last title was particularly odd, considering that Superman debuted in 1936, a few years before the Nazis invaded. But, hey — who’s gonna argue with Nazi-smashing? Aside from Twitter.

From the start, Superman embodied many of the characteristics associated with superheroes: amazing powers, a less-than-humble Nietzschean superlative in his name, and confusion about how to wear underpants.  

However, an examination of the cover of Action Comics No. 1 suggests that his devotion to truth, justice, and the American way came later, as he seems primarily interested in scaring bystanders by lifting a car. Seriously, google the cover. It's like he's saying, "Hey normals, look at me!  I'm picking up a fucking car! Holy shit, right? Am I gonna throw it at you? I could! I could crush you, human bugs!"

Which brings us to an important point about humans. Superman isn’t one. He’s an alien, who would probably go on doing alien things that no one would write a comic about, except his home planet of Krypton exploded, due to a world-threatening case of plot contrivance. His father, Marlon Brando, placed him in a spaceship and shot him to Earth, avoiding a rag-tag group of deep ocean drillers who'd been sent to blow him up. 

Less dedicated comics fans might be surprised to learn that Supes wasn’t the only Kryptonian to escape the mood-killer of getting blown up with his home planet. We can’t forget Krypto the Super-Dog and Beppo the Super-Monkey, who were also sent to Earth by Superman’s father, in order to test his mini-rocket technology. This raises two interesting points. One: in a miracle of evolution, apparently Krypton’s animal kingdom is exactly the same as Earth’s, and Two: Superman’s old man had little-to-no regard for the potential damage caused by a monkey with super-feces-hurling abilities. Anyway, both ended up joining the Legion of Super-Pets, or what we now call PETA. Oh, and there was also a Comet the Super-Horse, but he was really Supergirl’s pet.  ‘Cause, y’know… girls love horses, and old comics love reinforcing the gender binary.

On Carth, Superman was adopted by the salt-of-the-earth couple Martha and Jonathan Kent, who taught him love and ethics — which is fortunate, because there was an equally good chance that he'd be adopted by a backwoods family who'd just use his super strength to slaughter trespassers and his heat vision to power their moonshine still.  

Superman’s alter ego is reporter Clark Kent, a career he chose so that he could painstakingly photoshop every newspaper picture of himself, to avoid people making the obvious glasses/no glasses connection. Honestly, why he bothers to hold down a 9 to 5 job at all is pretty baffling, since it has to cut into his saving-people time significantly. I’m not sure I could live with myself if I had to drop by the graveyard, and talk to some headstones like, “I really wish I could’ve saved you from that factory fire, but my editor asked me to write about the pothole by T.J. Maxx.” But hey, Supes, you do you.

Some of Superman's original powers included strength, speed, and the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound... or two bounds, if he couldn’t get a running start. Later writers added powers, like flight, x-ray vision, and the ability to attract lame sidekicks like Jimmy Olsen, who has none of the charisma of his sisters Elizabeth, Ashley, or Mary-Kate.

The movies also developed Superman’s character. Superman II contributed the ability to peel off his S like a big piece of cellophane and throw it at space criminals. It doesn’t really hurt them, but it does make them say, “Did you just throw part of your shirt at me? What’s with that?” 

Anyway, Superman didn’t really do it that often, mostly because it made his nipples get cold.  

Superman’s only weakness is Kryptonite. Green Kryptonite can hurt, or even kill him; and Red Kryptonite has all kinds of crazy effects, but there are some lesser known Kryptonites that don't get a lot of play. For instance: Paisley Kryptonite changes his costume into an smoking jacket and loafers, and forces him to read the collected work of John Cheever, while Tye-Dyed Kryptonite compels Superman to purchase copies of the 1992 Spin Doctors album "A Pocket Full of Kryptonite," even though he's not really a fan.

In 1993, Superman was killed, in the single most important event in comics, if you happened to be a dumbass attending Gullible University, located in scenic Naive City on the Idiot Coast. He eventually returned, but not before a brief period when there were four new Supermen, who took the country by storm! Like that one who was a… robot or something? And there was a guy with a hammer? Or were those the same guy?

Anyway, O.G. Superman's killer was a space skeleton named Doomsday, and the story of his clash with Superman was fraught with all the dramatic tension you would expect from an antagonist no-one had met before. Seriously, I bet Lex Luthor was PISSED. Someone finally gets to kill Superman, and it's that guy?  Some spiny dude who literally fell from the sky and started smashing? Why not have Lady Elaine Fairchild from Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood be the killer? Makes just as much dramatic sense, and you KNOW she’s up to something in her weird museum.

In 2006 Superman not only returned, but Returned. However, audiences said “no thanks” and returned that Superman for store credit towards a different Superman — one shaped more like Henry Cavill. This was a new, edgier Superman who did things like snap Zod’s neck, and wear fedoras, and explain to his girlfriend how comics weren’t for kids anymore, because occasionally now they say “fuck.” This Superman fought with Batman, and then he teamed up with him, and then he teamed up with him again, but longer, and on HBO Max. 

What’s next for Superman? How the hell should I know? I barely know the guy. Jesus, why not wait and find out for yourself, weirdo?

Next on The Flop House!

Hear ye on main!

8/31 - For our last full episode before entering theme month season, we’re releasing our Boston live show, where we talked about John Krasinski’s IF (2024). Does Stu talk about how much he doesn’t care for that particular gentleman? We think you know the answer. It’s truly one of our strongest live shows ever, and we hope you enjoy it.

9/7 - On the next mini, we talk to our old friend Cristina Caccioppo, director of programming for Nitehawk Cinemas about what it’s like to be a film programmer, and it’s a really interesting discussion of a unique job.

Extra Credit

Members of Maximum Fun (and you can join at any time, not just during the membership drive!) can now head to their member bonus content feed for our 2nd-of-3 episodes on the films of Greydon Clark. This one tackles The Forbidden Dance, one of TWO separate movies about the lambada released on the SAME DAY in 1990, but the only one with future Mulholland Drive star Laura Harring as an Amazonian princess using the power of dance to save the rainforest.

And as we mentioned last time, we’re about to start season two of FLOP TV, our monthly live video stream/TV show version of the podcast. Tickets are available here — $7 per episode, $35 for the whole six-episode season (plus ticket fees). And remember — if you get a season pass late in the season, you still have access to ALL of the episodes, even past installments, because all episodes will remain up for ticket holders through the end of February 2025.

Boys on the Side

You may have heard a little piece of news about Elliott and a certain group of people for whom “busting” feels good. Congratulations, Elliott!

Stu and Dan are doing ultra-glamorous things too! Like their occasional cooking/cocktail stream “The Slop House.” It was live on Wednesday night, but should be archived on Stuart’s Twitch channel for another few days!

You Made it to the End!

Congratulations! As a reward, here’s a peek at the sort of thing that goes on in the Flop House text chain!