TOP PLUG OF THE WEEK

For all you tl:dr types who won’t get to the end! Tonight, 7/5, on Stuart Wellington’s Twitch channel, 8pm ET, Dan will be making dinner and Stu will be mixing cocktails, and both will be chatting and answering questions from viewers in the latest edition of our intermittent “THE SLOP HOUSE” cooking show.

Avoiding the Pit*

As I sit, rocking in my rocking chair in a quaintly sentimental way, here on the porch of stately Flop Mansion, I turn to the calendar and notice it’s Independence Day. (Okay, there’s no such thing as Flop Mansion, but I figure this is the sort of cosy/whimsical claptrap you’re supposed to have in a newsletter. I do have a cat sitting behind my laptop, though, so maybe that’s enough).

Of course, you’ll be getting this on July 5th (“Fireworks Injury Recovery Day” [observed] here in the U.S.), but when you’re a newsletter-writer you grasp on to any hook you have. The point is, maybe I’m crazy, but I’m not feeling it this year. Having the Supreme Court declare America’s “democratic” leader is like unto a king does that to a man. But since that’s a pretty heavy way to start off the (only second!) edition of Flop Secrets, I won’t get into it. Instead, I’ll answer the question “what does the famously mentally healthy Dan do when feeling down?”

Breathing is pretty good, I find. You’d be surprised how infrequently people remember to breathe, considering it’s one of the top things for a human to do. I have sleep apnea, so it’s like my brain wants my organs to lie down on the job — “He’s asleep! Lungs, take a break! This chump will never notice!” — so I have a breathing robot take care of it during snoozing hours. During the day, though, I often find that when I feel terribly anxious, a fair amount of it can be solved with extra oxygen. Yoga has helped me remember to breathe even at the most stressful times — once you internalize the need to keep breathing even though you’re upside-down in a crouch standing on your arms in a sweatbox filled with yoga farts, you can do it pretty much anywhere. But you remember however you need to. I don’t wanna become a yoga evangelist, because, really, how boring?

It’s also good to find a happy place for yourself. Stately Flop Manor may only be a fantasy (we live in Brooklyn, after all, where a mansion runs approximately 82 billion dollars and one of those diamond Furbys from Uncut Gems). We ARE fortunate enough to have a tiny balcony space, however. When we moved in, it was all black roof tar, but through Audrey’s tireless efforts to make life nicer (I’m more of a “inertia means I can be lazy!” guy), it’s been transformed via cheap IKEA tile, string lights, and some plants into a lovely oasis. When you’re happy in a space, you want to be there, and suddenly there’s other stuff in your life — stuff like “reading books,” and “sunlight” and “air” (v. important, see above). Small changes have big rewards.

Lastly, some nostalgia. One “J. Hodgman” from Park Slope interjects to say nostalgia is a toxic impulse, and I totally agree when it means stuff like “romanticizing a past while forgetting the bad stuff,” and "deciding presidents should be kings,” but — as I say on an upcoming member bonus episode of The Greatest Gen I was delighted to guest on — my broken brain takes its dopamine where I can get it. Sometimes it leads me to weird places. Last night I put on the widely-reviled Feardotcom, just because I was like, “You know what I want right now? That absurdly bombastic super-grungy early 2000s horror aesthetic!” Why did I want something I literally hated when I was living through it? I cannot say. Maybe it has something to do with that old chestnut about life only being understandable when lived backwards. I don’t understand where we are now. But Natascha McElhone going up against an evil website that melts people’s eyes? THAT I get.

_{*This is a peach pun, by the way. All of the best puns require being called out via footnote, right?}

Top Five Flop House Episodes for Independence Day Listening!

Speaking of nostalgia, why not take a dive into the back catalogue with these July 4th-adjacent faves?

• USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage - Remember our men in uniform. Specifically, Nicolas Cage vs. some sharks!

• Swing Vote - It’s about voting! It’s also an early episode when sometimes all three of us weren’t there, so it’s missing Stuart, but Will Hines does an amazing impression of Paul Schrader!

• Supergirl - Just like her cousin, she’s the embodiment of truth, justice, and the American way! But unlike that guy, she gets to fight Faye Dunaway as a campy witch! With guest Glen Weldon!

• Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter - Remember a time when politicians took direct action to improve citizens’ lives — by killing vamps!

• Independence Day: Resurgence - Look at the title! This one was a gimme!

Hear Ye On Main

What can you look forward to on the podcast?

JULY 6 - Tomorrow’s full episode is our long awaited return to that ol’ Rebel Moon! This time we learn about the SCARGIVER. Oooooh, sounds scaaaary. If you’ve been missing episodes about newer movies, with just the three original peaches messing around, this is one for you!

JULY 13 - A very special mini where we got to talk to TOM HOLLAND! No, not the guy dancing to Rihanna. Hollywood’s Tom Holland v1.0 — the one who wrote and/or directed stuff like Fright Night, Child’s Play, Class of 1984, Scream for Help, Thinner, Cloak and Dagger, and Psycho II. He was just a damn delight, and we hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed talking to him.

Live Show Lookout

On 7/12, tickets will go on sale for our next streaming show/collaboration with the good folks over at StagePilot. It’s the first one with STAR OF THE SHOW HALLIE HAGLUND (some say we’re crazy for only introducing the star this late, but she’s like the shark in Jaws). It’s about the movie Three Men and a Baby, and it’s appropriately titled THREE MEN AND A HALLIE!

Boys on the Side

What else are those peachboys up to?

Stu continues his painting livestreams on Twitch. (subscribe to his channel)

Elliott’s been writing Disney’s Hercules for Dynamite comics! Check ‘em out!

Dan’s been writing spec scripts and gaming out his next move, but meanwhile, he’s been writing this very newsletter! You want Dan? YOU’RE SOAKING IN IT.

Congratulations!

You made it to the end. As a reward, have some shameless cat cuteness.